A Sunday night prayer

Dear Lord,

If one day my reason (or lack of reason) fails me, please uphold me.
I remember those days, oh the days, when I wandered around in the night wailing and writhing in pain. When my self-control and reason fail to constrain myself. When the pain is simply too much to bear. When I fixed my eyes on things of the world and shriek in torment when I cannot get them. In my lungs. In my heart. In my soul. I remember the horror of looking back and dreading those distortions on my spirit. Tormenting and killing me.
Lord, forbid it that I will ever go back again.
Lord, teach me to rest in You alone. Not in my own wisdom, my own strength, my own intellect and mind, my character and morale... for those who rely on their own strength perish, but those who look unto the Lord shall rise. They shall soar like eagles. They shall run and not be weary.

I know You have redeemed me. With You as my Saviour, I never want to go back to relying on my own strength. Individual perseverance and character will eventually wear out, what do I have which is everlasting except for You?
Be my only source of strength. Be my source of hope. Be my source of wisdom and love.
I know that some sufferings in life might never be eradicated. I know I might need to suffer the ache from scars every now and then. But Lord, what is all that, compared to Your glory! Let me see Thy face. Let me dwell in Thy presence, let me abide in You. Let me see the ultimate reality -- Christ seated on the throne of heaven, at the right-hand side of the Father, my advocate and friend! The One who gave his life for me as an atoning sacrifice! What else do I need? What else do I even want? For sure, You are sufficient, and I will rejoice at the sight of Your glory. Even my suffering will be for Your glory, and therefore I praise You; even my worst nightmares exist so that You may triumph over them. The more ugly those sorrows are, the more victory comes from Your grace. Lord, let me be that child of Yours, sorrowful yet rejoicing, in pain but full of hope, under attack but at rest.

And may all glory, and praise, and honor go to my Lord Jesus Christ, King of all. In His name I pray, Amen.